“You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.”

Actually - you can. I hate to be that kid in the class that’s arguing with everyone, but you actually can make a horse drink. I’ve done it.

Some years ago I had a horse that was very sick. One of his symptoms was dehydration, and he just didn’t have the strength to drink the water he desperately needed. The veterinarian instructed us to walk him to our water hose, put the hose in the side of his mouth, and ever so gently allow the water to trickle in his mouth until he could swallow.

I would soothe him, pet him, and tell him he was ok for an hour as he allowed this water to run out of his mouth and on to the grass, until finally - he swallowed. Then he swallowed again. And again - until he was drinking. Over time and repeated water hose sessions, he was strong enough to drink water on his own. After some more time, it occurred to me that I had successfully brought a horse to water and made him drink it, but only by using patience, persistence, creativity, and guidance.

Counseling can be much like that. Sometimes in the mental health field, we offer messages like, “You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”

This is meant to explain why a client doesn’t participate in the therapeutic process.

“They’re resistant.”

Perhaps. But maybe, you as a client just literally can’t. What then? Leave you in the field to die?

As clinicians, if we find that we’re unable to help you - we need to have referrals ready so that you’re not left behind. We need to be able to see that you can walk to the hose by showing up to your session, and we need to offer you only the amount of water you can tolerate at a time. If something is too much, we need to notice and change tactics.

Most of all - we need to believe in your best self, especially when you can’t.