When a tragedy occurs, such as the recent school shooting in Uvadale, it can feel very scary and confusing for parents to process with their children.  How does one find the  words to articulate and give meaning to the violence for their children when it doesn't make sense to the adults?

Know you are not alone, and we are standing with you to help navigate this hard topic.  Here are some practical things you can do to help process these emotions with your children.

1. Be willing to have hard conversations.  Whether it is preemptive, or in response to questions asked, encourage the conversations. Let them know you are interested in knowing how they are coping with the information.  Keeping it simple for younger children can keep it appropriate.  If children have heard things about the shooting, validate feelings. “ Wow, that must feel really scary for you to hear about those things”.  Be mindful that sometimes kids choose to express themselves through art or their play.  Be open for any example of communication from your child- not just a verbal initiation.

2. Be honest about your own feelings.  Kids might or might not ask if you are scared.  It is ok for them to know you are scared and confused as well, but keep it balanced with assurances of efforts of protection. “ Mom and dad are scared and confused too.  Sometimes people make bad choices, but we are doing everything we can to help you be safe”

3. Model Calm.  Kids are super intuitive with regards to the emotions of others.  If you are dysregulated and overshare, they might be prone to picking that up as well.  It is so important to remember that as a parent, it is our job to hold space for our kids and their emotions.  It is NOT their job to do the same for us!  

4. Look for the Heroes. When tragedy strikes, it is easy to focus on the horror, fear, etc.  While the emotions are entirely valid, look for opportunities to show, or include, your kids in the positive aspects.  Who are the heroes present?  Where are the healers?  Your child may or may not have the opportunity to be a part of the healing process, but any efforts of involvement to help give the unimaginable a new meaning can have a positive impact on your child. 

Be present for your kids.  Respond to requests for extra affection or quality time.  Help promote a sense of calm and safety in your home.  Love on your kids, as likely you all need it!

Written by Rachel Nauss LCSW-S, RPT - rachel.nauss@hopeplacetx.com

The Hope Place is a private pay mental health facility in Mansfield, Texas.